11:42 pm and my senses feels heavy with fatigue. A type of fatigue that I have been excessively applying upon myself unconsciously these past few weeks. A fatigue that drains you from the inside and turn your sight into gray. A phantom fatigue.
Today. The phantom has calmed down. So here's a letter. For the phantom to move on.
Relationships are futile.
Relationships are fragile.
Relationships are meant to be formed,
broken,
and amended.
Relationships,
some of them are visible to the eyes,
some,
works itself in its own mysterious ways.
Relationships, should be treated with care,
love,
tolerance,
but should also be discarded when considered toxic.
Relationships, are formed everyday and everywhere in every second that we breathe in.
Every minute, every hour.
Twinkling eyes,
Sunken eyes,
Observing eyes,
Broken eyes,
are all the results of relationships.
Giving yourself into any relationship, is giving a piece of yourself to someone who has the ability to either heal, break, empower and change you.
Given to the right person, it is a key to somewhere that we call 'a better life'.
Given to the wrong person, 'a better life' might not be with that person.
Yet, that wrong person, might not actually be the 'wrong one' at the time where you formed a relationship. That 'wrong one' might have been an important presence in your life that has shaped so much of you into who you are right now. Is there even a 'wrong person' in our life?
There was once a time, where I have slowly but gradually opened up pages in my book of life that I have never opened to others. It was a delicate process. A very highly sensitive movement on my own behalf. Fear was my best friend. The fear of letting others hold a piece of such a delicate side of you in their hands. I somehow, still gave them the autonomy. Slowly giving my trust and heart to them. Slowly maturing and growing. Slowly opening up to the world bit by bit.
There were days where I doubt they can hold onto me for too long. There were days where I was cynical of the bond we have formed and the depth that it contains. There were also days where my heart was warmed by the good memories and comforting words. We accepted each other as who we are. I loved them. For a girl who have lived her life moving from place to place from a young age, unable to form bonds for too long with others, naturally, trust and stability comes at a high price. Thus, being able to meet people who accepts so much of her, was calming.
As calm as the calm before a storm.
A storm that came without a sound.
The moment it hits, there was two option.
One. Fix the mess caused by the storm.
Two. Nothing can be done. Move on.
The first time it happened, I was a mess but it was fixed. It was good for a while.
The second time it happened, I knew I wouldn't want it to happen for the third time. Time's up.
but letting go and moving on is easier said than done. How can it be not when you have grown so accustomed and used to sharing so much of yourself to them.
and "we got your back", "we will always be here for you", and all those calming words keeps entering your head like the dizzying sound of an unseen mosquito. The more you shake it off, the stronger it comes back.
I thought I could handle it, but I guess I'm still learning how to be stronger, accept, forgive and forget.
I was on the ground, shrouded with a blanket of mistrust, the feeling of betrayal, disappointment and sadness. Yet, another part of me understands that everyone have their own reasons in doing whatever they are doing. Everyone have their problems, opinions and for all of that, I accepted what has happened as it is.
It was just me all along. Still learning about life. Learning how to take in everything with a dose of maturity. Forgive and forget, a wise voice advised. Forgive and forget.
If opening up your heart and handing out your trust to people caused you to cry countless of times and triggered your mental health to the point where you have to make the decision to finally eat an anti-depressant pill, maybe it's not them who are in the wrong but it's you. It's me. It's okay. It's okay.
I know. I hate how I get so sensitive to anything that involves the people I love. I hate how I give them so much power without their knowledge to shape my life. But what's the point of hating? What is done, is done.
I have to continually teach myself to be stronger and wiser,
to be accepting and merciful,
to be a person who continues to live as long as there is a ray of hope that shines in her life. If all hope ceases, then, she will light the hope by herself.
Till the day where I can find solace within myself, I will always be grateful for each relationship that was formed between me and other people in this life. Whatever the outcome was, I have concluded that it's for the best. I believe that those thoughtful and calming words comes sincerely from their heart. It's just that our paths decided to diverge from each other. When paths diverge, it means that a new chapter must be opened. It is time to move on.
In the hopes of being able to lift the heaviness from my soul, I write.
Pray. Let us all have a better life and find the solace we seek before our death comes.
Forgive, forget, move on.
Sunday, 24 December 2017
Sunday, 27 August 2017
Broken
Are we born to be broken?
Are we supposed to die in shards and pieces?
Are we supposed live our days worrying about our unruly past and hopeless future?
Are we supposed to tire ourselves everyday while nursing the fragility called heart?
Again, are we, born to be broken?
"When will this life ends?"
"I wish to die."
"I'm not good enough for this world."
"Living is too painful."
Breathe in.
"I wish i could go back to the old happy days."
"I don't know why i'm crying."
"I hate myself for being like this."
"I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this life."
Breathe out.
"Why does no one understands me?"
"They don't understand me."
"No one understands."
Hold out your palm in front of you.
place it on your chest,
it's still beating,
never losing a beat,
never losing hope.
Good things come to those who never give up, never lose hope and continue to live with a hopeful heart. A heart filled with faith. Faith for those with broken hearts. Faith that one day, sooner or later, like the rainbow that comes after a storm, and the sun that rises every morning without fail, peace will come. Victory will be yours.
The battle within is yours to fight. No other warrior no matter how strong can carry your sword for you. No trained soldier can ever shield you from the beast on your path. No one can change your fate if you don't pick up yourself and stride forward. Even if you fell a million times, get up. People can offer you a hand, a solid grip, good food, good company, good vibes, but it's you, it's us, who are the owner of the battle. The unseen battle.
Never give up.
Somewhere out there,
hopeful hearts are rooting for you,
looking after your back,
praying that your rainbow will soon prevail.
No one is born to be broken, in vain.
Setiap manusia pasti akan dilanda ujian yang secara diam,
membuatnya berfikir,
secara diam,
membuka kaca mata dan kotak pemikirannya,
secara diam,
membentuk dirinya ke arah yang lebih matang.
Yakinlah yang apa yang kita lalui sekarang,
bukan bermaksud ingin menyeksa tapi pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pasti ada sebabnya dan andai kita ingin tahu apa sebab dan hikmahnya,
seharusnya kita jangan pernah putus asa.
Terus bangkit.
Walaupun sudah sejuta kali tersungkur.
We might be born to be broken,
but we are not born to be broken in vain.
Have faith.
Are we supposed to die in shards and pieces?
Are we supposed live our days worrying about our unruly past and hopeless future?
Are we supposed to tire ourselves everyday while nursing the fragility called heart?
Again, are we, born to be broken?
"When will this life ends?"
"I wish to die."
"I'm not good enough for this world."
"Living is too painful."
Breathe in.
"I wish i could go back to the old happy days."
"I don't know why i'm crying."
"I hate myself for being like this."
"I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this life."
Breathe out.
"Why does no one understands me?"
"They don't understand me."
"No one understands."
Hold out your palm in front of you.
place it on your chest,
it's still beating,
never losing a beat,
never losing hope.
Good things come to those who never give up, never lose hope and continue to live with a hopeful heart. A heart filled with faith. Faith for those with broken hearts. Faith that one day, sooner or later, like the rainbow that comes after a storm, and the sun that rises every morning without fail, peace will come. Victory will be yours.
The battle within is yours to fight. No other warrior no matter how strong can carry your sword for you. No trained soldier can ever shield you from the beast on your path. No one can change your fate if you don't pick up yourself and stride forward. Even if you fell a million times, get up. People can offer you a hand, a solid grip, good food, good company, good vibes, but it's you, it's us, who are the owner of the battle. The unseen battle.
Never give up.
Somewhere out there,
hopeful hearts are rooting for you,
looking after your back,
praying that your rainbow will soon prevail.
No one is born to be broken, in vain.
Setiap manusia pasti akan dilanda ujian yang secara diam,
membuatnya berfikir,
secara diam,
membuka kaca mata dan kotak pemikirannya,
secara diam,
membentuk dirinya ke arah yang lebih matang.
Yakinlah yang apa yang kita lalui sekarang,
bukan bermaksud ingin menyeksa tapi pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pasti ada sebabnya dan andai kita ingin tahu apa sebab dan hikmahnya,
seharusnya kita jangan pernah putus asa.
Terus bangkit.
Walaupun sudah sejuta kali tersungkur.
We might be born to be broken,
but we are not born to be broken in vain.
Have faith.
Saturday, 5 August 2017
A story for you
Do you know?
Lately, life has been well.
Life has been bearable.
Life has been good.
That small 'Let's be happy' sign written with purple ink placed above the light switch in my room has slowly but surely enters my life. Like the current weather I'm comfortable in. A constant light drizzle but nothing an individual cannot handle. Good.
But do you also know?
there's this place in my heart that always yearns for something I don't understand.
The place of uncertainty.
The place where the angel and devil both reside in.
A party of different wavelengths.
A paradoxical mixture of soothing cacophony.
A place where both questions and answers float and sink, and float.
A place where the self is discovered and lost.
A haven of the lost and found.
Again, do you know?
The reason behind that dull eyebag and glistening eyes,
and the extravagant colors of that rainbow that stretched above your eyes,
after the heavy rain that drowns the world below your eyes?
Hey, do you know?
Why that cigarette lies on the floor,
unlit but broken?
As if it exist as a form of someone's afterthought,
an unwanted afterthought,
like a fly,
innocent but loathed.
Loathe.
We tend to loathe what we can't answer.
Hate.
We tend to hate what is closest to us.
Why?
So now, do you know?
The reason behind every soul that breathes,
The reason behind every eyes that blinks,
The reason behind every ears that hears,
behind every actions,
every words,
everything.
Do you,
know?
Because I don't, and never will.
And because I never will,
I return to the third paragraph,
I return to that comfortable yet troubling place,
a place of acceptance,
a place that breaks,
for every one who seek to ponder,
on the thousand and one mysteries of life,
the place where every soul unconsciously returns.
A deep breath,
A deep sigh,
'Let's be happy'.
Lately, life has been well.
Life has been bearable.
Life has been good.
That small 'Let's be happy' sign written with purple ink placed above the light switch in my room has slowly but surely enters my life. Like the current weather I'm comfortable in. A constant light drizzle but nothing an individual cannot handle. Good.
But do you also know?
there's this place in my heart that always yearns for something I don't understand.
The place of uncertainty.
The place where the angel and devil both reside in.
A party of different wavelengths.
A paradoxical mixture of soothing cacophony.
A place where both questions and answers float and sink, and float.
A place where the self is discovered and lost.
A haven of the lost and found.
Again, do you know?
The reason behind that dull eyebag and glistening eyes,
and the extravagant colors of that rainbow that stretched above your eyes,
after the heavy rain that drowns the world below your eyes?
Hey, do you know?
Why that cigarette lies on the floor,
unlit but broken?
As if it exist as a form of someone's afterthought,
an unwanted afterthought,
like a fly,
innocent but loathed.
Loathe.
We tend to loathe what we can't answer.
Hate.
We tend to hate what is closest to us.
Why?
So now, do you know?
The reason behind every soul that breathes,
The reason behind every eyes that blinks,
The reason behind every ears that hears,
behind every actions,
every words,
everything.
Do you,
know?
Because I don't, and never will.
And because I never will,
I return to the third paragraph,
I return to that comfortable yet troubling place,
a place of acceptance,
a place that breaks,
for every one who seek to ponder,
on the thousand and one mysteries of life,
the place where every soul unconsciously returns.
A deep breath,
A deep sigh,
'Let's be happy'.
Tuesday, 1 August 2017
Sejujurnya
Sejujurnya aku masih rasa kehilangan.
Sejujurnya hati ini masih kelam apabila realiti kehidupan menyapa.
Sejujurnya aku masih tergamam dengan hakikat yang telah berlalu.
Ku coretkan di sini buat pendorong untuk diri ini yang sering terlupa.
Aku kenal arwah sebagai Abang Fareez. Seorang insan yang unik di kaca mata aku. Kenapa? Sebab walaupun memori dengannya tak banyak tapi, aku ingat.
Sejujurnya aku ni cepat lupa. Cepat move on dengan kenangan silam.
Sejujurnya aku juga, ambil masa yang lama untuk menerima manusia dalam kehidupan aku.
Tapi abang Fareez. Lain. Kisah dia lain. Kisahnya ringkas tapi berharga.
Kisah #1
Dulu masa dia masih pimpinan PEPIAS Bangi, aku ada minta tolong dia untuk tengok-tengokkan sorang adik ni. Mak kepada adik tu minta tolong aku dan aku minta tolong Abang Fareez atas sebab aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih rapat dan mengenali adik tu dan aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih tahu cara untuk mendekati dan menegur dengan lebih berhemah. Di saat itulah aku mengenali insan ini. Insan yang begitu prihatin tentang hal ehwal adik-adiknya. Terima kasih.
Kisah #2
Ada satu ketika dahulu, ustaz sekolah aku approach aku, minta buat program di sekolah lama aku. Sekolahnya di Bangi dan Abang Fareez masa tu BLK Bangi, Sekali lagi, aku approach dia :') Dia lah yang ajar aku serba sedikit macam mana nak handle program. Macam mana nak jadi PIC program. Malangnya program sekolah tu tak jadi atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Aku kecewa tapi Abang Fareez memahami. Di saat itulah aku mengerti insan ini. Insan yang melakukan tanggungjawabnya di bumi ini kerana Ilahi. Terima kasih.
Kisah #3
Kali terakhir aku jumpa dia masa jamuan raya di IDE, Shah Alam. Teringat waktu ternampak dia, bertegur sapa macam biasa. Tak pernah lekang dengan senyuman dia. Di saat itu, tiada siapa sangka, perjumpaan yang pendek itu merupakan perjumpaan yang terakhir. Terima kasih.
Terima kasih.
Muhammad Fareez Bin Mohd. Ghazali.
Al-Fatihah.
Sejujurnya hati ini masih kelam apabila realiti kehidupan menyapa.
Sejujurnya aku masih tergamam dengan hakikat yang telah berlalu.
Ku coretkan di sini buat pendorong untuk diri ini yang sering terlupa.
Aku kenal arwah sebagai Abang Fareez. Seorang insan yang unik di kaca mata aku. Kenapa? Sebab walaupun memori dengannya tak banyak tapi, aku ingat.
Sejujurnya aku ni cepat lupa. Cepat move on dengan kenangan silam.
Sejujurnya aku juga, ambil masa yang lama untuk menerima manusia dalam kehidupan aku.
Tapi abang Fareez. Lain. Kisah dia lain. Kisahnya ringkas tapi berharga.
Kisah #1
Dulu masa dia masih pimpinan PEPIAS Bangi, aku ada minta tolong dia untuk tengok-tengokkan sorang adik ni. Mak kepada adik tu minta tolong aku dan aku minta tolong Abang Fareez atas sebab aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih rapat dan mengenali adik tu dan aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih tahu cara untuk mendekati dan menegur dengan lebih berhemah. Di saat itulah aku mengenali insan ini. Insan yang begitu prihatin tentang hal ehwal adik-adiknya. Terima kasih.
Kisah #2
Ada satu ketika dahulu, ustaz sekolah aku approach aku, minta buat program di sekolah lama aku. Sekolahnya di Bangi dan Abang Fareez masa tu BLK Bangi, Sekali lagi, aku approach dia :') Dia lah yang ajar aku serba sedikit macam mana nak handle program. Macam mana nak jadi PIC program. Malangnya program sekolah tu tak jadi atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Aku kecewa tapi Abang Fareez memahami. Di saat itulah aku mengerti insan ini. Insan yang melakukan tanggungjawabnya di bumi ini kerana Ilahi. Terima kasih.
Kisah #3
Kali terakhir aku jumpa dia masa jamuan raya di IDE, Shah Alam. Teringat waktu ternampak dia, bertegur sapa macam biasa. Tak pernah lekang dengan senyuman dia. Di saat itu, tiada siapa sangka, perjumpaan yang pendek itu merupakan perjumpaan yang terakhir. Terima kasih.
Terima kasih.
Muhammad Fareez Bin Mohd. Ghazali.
Al-Fatihah.
Wednesday, 12 July 2017
The House
"What a lonely house" mutters a girl with dull eyes, staring at the green curtains across of her.
It was another one of those days.
The quiet days filled with nothing but dreariness.
There in the house resides seven people.
The one who can not hear.
The one with the ability to not interact with anyone for the whole day.
The one who goes in and out of the house trying to fix the world.
The one who has grown old and spoke of nothing but dangerous knives that kills.
The one who works with ignorance.
The one who returns to a silent house.
Seven anomalies living under one roof.
A peaceful house from the outside.
People once spoke of how bright the windows always looked from the outside and the cheerful laughters that accompanies. The house always seems to be singing an enchanting song that enchants every passerby. Day by day, slowly, like the pages of a book that falls down willingly due to its age, the magic that was once so strong, fades and cripples. The house until now, remains silent. Quiet. Eerie.
Friday, 7 July 2017
An Interview
Interviewer : Hi.
Subject A : Hi.
Interviewer : Introduce yourself in one word.
Subject A : Shy.
Interviewer : What's your favorite color?
Subject A : Pastel pink.
Interviewer : How many siblings do you have?
Subject A : 3.
Interviewer : You said you like pastel pink. It seems that you're very specific about it. You don't like other shades of pink?
Subject A : I wouldn't say I hate it. I just prefer pastel pink.
Interviewer : Given a choice of wealth or fame, which one is your pick?
Subject A : Uhh, wealth because fame might be too much for me. I'm a shy person remember?
Interviewer : Ahh yes, you did mention that. Have you ever been bullied?
Subject A : No.
Interviewer : You look like someone who would be bullied in high school though. No offense.
Subject A : Haha no offense taken. I did get that a lot and I admit that there were times when I felt people were taking advantage of my shyness.
Interviewer : There were people taking advantage of you?
Subject A : Yeah. One person tried to force me into giving all my pocket money to him. I did not give him any.
Interviewer : Wow. How did you got away?
Subject A : I might be shy but I can stand my own ground when I need to. That was how I survived my school life without any unnecessary dramas.
Interviewer : What's your principle in life?
Subject A : Live accordingly.
Interviewer : What does that mean?
Subject A : It means you should live according to your own capacity.
Interviewer : A...
*The interview stopped due to a sudden blackout*
Thursday, 29 June 2017
Pena Kembara #2
"Jgn lama2 nanti basi"
"Haha cite saya tak pernah basi xD"
~
Tiba-tiba rasa nak keep my travelog safe and sound in my book.
I'm more of a 'feel' person. I write when I feel it. Writing without the 'feel' is difficult. Am sure there are pros and cons in doing that huh.
~
The Before Story
Before embarking on the journey to Yala, I was slightly leaving a gloomy life in my little sphere. Felt slightly guilty for not possessing any energy nor spirit for the journey/mission/project. I felt nothing. Probably was in the 'I lost all motivation' phase. A phase I experience on a normal basis.
On the morning before the journey starts,
"Mak, ayah, i'm tired."
"Tak sihat?"
"No. I'm just tired of these emotions. Tired of fighting this heaviness inside of me."
"It's okay if you don't go. You can stay home and rest."
"No. I must go. I need to get out. I'll be worse if I stay."
It's true. Static water becomes murky.
Took a flight to Kelantan with Iman. While waiting for our flight, we sat on the carpeted floor across our waiting room since it's not opened yet. We sat in front of the large ceiling to floor glass pane. I could clearly see the calming sky smiling at me. Calm as ever. I always feel better after looking at the vast sky. No matter what happens, the sky is must always go to panorama.
It was also nice to finally be able to catch up with Iman and her dramatic life. It feels great to be able to tune myself into a life around people. My feelings were slowly returning into my vision. My wreck of a self was slowly rebuilding itself.
We arrived in Kelantan without a hitch. Spent the night at my sister's house, played heartily (and tiringly) with little Zahra and Amani. Iftar at Masjid Telepot (the masjid was very clean and cool). Very fast tarawih berjemaah. Colek at 'Red Card Kelantan'.
I love Kelantan. Something about Kelantan feels like home for me. Maybe because of its striking difference to the twon i'm currently living in and how it's not filled with excessive looming buildings. Quaint, is the word i use for Kelantan. Fight me all you want.
The more steps i took outside of my house, in a new environment and new sensations, something in me heals itself.
The hardest step is always the first step.
Letting go of yourself into a new world is always tough,
but, it's worth it.
Let yourself go and see what you'll become.
Let yourself go and find your worth.
Let yourself go and breathe in the life you're surrounded with.
Let yourself go and witness what the world has to offer.
You might regret it,
but believe me,
you'll regret it even more if you don't let go.
Because to get, you need to let go.
and, for some people, letting go of their own selves is the hardest part. The part where they stand in the path of no return. 'Should I or Should I not?'. Uncertainties. Doubts. Change.
and that's what every new journey reflects to me. Another step into a new world. Another forward step into a land of uncertainties. Little did I know, this world i'm so uncertain of, is a world that reigns under the panoramic view of my beloved sky. The sky that had always calm me and intrigue me, covers the doubts that walks all over earth. Wherever you go, the sky will always remain. As majestic as ever. Stability amidst uncertainties.
Thank you to all who made Kembara Yala/Selatan Thai possible :)
The journey starts from here on .
"Haha cite saya tak pernah basi xD"
~
Tiba-tiba rasa nak keep my travelog safe and sound in my book.
I'm more of a 'feel' person. I write when I feel it. Writing without the 'feel' is difficult. Am sure there are pros and cons in doing that huh.
~
The Before Story
Before embarking on the journey to Yala, I was slightly leaving a gloomy life in my little sphere. Felt slightly guilty for not possessing any energy nor spirit for the journey/mission/project. I felt nothing. Probably was in the 'I lost all motivation' phase. A phase I experience on a normal basis.
On the morning before the journey starts,
"Mak, ayah, i'm tired."
"Tak sihat?"
"No. I'm just tired of these emotions. Tired of fighting this heaviness inside of me."
"It's okay if you don't go. You can stay home and rest."
"No. I must go. I need to get out. I'll be worse if I stay."
It's true. Static water becomes murky.
Took a flight to Kelantan with Iman. While waiting for our flight, we sat on the carpeted floor across our waiting room since it's not opened yet. We sat in front of the large ceiling to floor glass pane. I could clearly see the calming sky smiling at me. Calm as ever. I always feel better after looking at the vast sky. No matter what happens, the sky is must always go to panorama.
It was also nice to finally be able to catch up with Iman and her dramatic life. It feels great to be able to tune myself into a life around people. My feelings were slowly returning into my vision. My wreck of a self was slowly rebuilding itself.
We arrived in Kelantan without a hitch. Spent the night at my sister's house, played heartily (and tiringly) with little Zahra and Amani. Iftar at Masjid Telepot (the masjid was very clean and cool). Very fast tarawih berjemaah. Colek at 'Red Card Kelantan'.
I love Kelantan. Something about Kelantan feels like home for me. Maybe because of its striking difference to the twon i'm currently living in and how it's not filled with excessive looming buildings. Quaint, is the word i use for Kelantan. Fight me all you want.
The more steps i took outside of my house, in a new environment and new sensations, something in me heals itself.
The hardest step is always the first step.
Letting go of yourself into a new world is always tough,
but, it's worth it.
Let yourself go and see what you'll become.
Let yourself go and find your worth.
Let yourself go and breathe in the life you're surrounded with.
Let yourself go and witness what the world has to offer.
You might regret it,
but believe me,
you'll regret it even more if you don't let go.
Because to get, you need to let go.
and, for some people, letting go of their own selves is the hardest part. The part where they stand in the path of no return. 'Should I or Should I not?'. Uncertainties. Doubts. Change.
and that's what every new journey reflects to me. Another step into a new world. Another forward step into a land of uncertainties. Little did I know, this world i'm so uncertain of, is a world that reigns under the panoramic view of my beloved sky. The sky that had always calm me and intrigue me, covers the doubts that walks all over earth. Wherever you go, the sky will always remain. As majestic as ever. Stability amidst uncertainties.
Thank you to all who made Kembara Yala/Selatan Thai possible :)
The journey starts from here on .
Thursday, 22 June 2017
Pena Kembara #1
Here are some selected pieces of my short journey to Selatan Thailand.
Writing this while randomly listening to Day 6's Sunrise album.
Credits to my amazing Team Kembara Yala which comprised of me, Najah, Ceah, Iman, Acap, Kimi, Aiman, Kak Wanfad, Kak Alia, Kak Arina, Abg Zizi, Abg Nabil and Abg Arif. Great people. Grateful to be able to meet and travel with all of them.
Train To Yala
To get to Yala from Sungai Golok (the place where the imigresen is located/sempadan Thai-Msia) we had to ride a train. It's not like Malaysia's LRT or KTM. I don't think/ am unsure if Malaysia still have those kinds of trains. Trains macam trains dulu dulu. The old rickety trains we often see in old movies and dramas. Those trains without air-conds and open windows. Those trains without doors and you can just stand at the doorway and let the air hits you hard while the train moves. Feels great but intoxicating sebab i find it difficult to breathe when the air particles berebut nak masuk my corong pernafasan. Chill air. Chill.
It was a two hour ride. A very hot ride indeed. Thailand punya panas sangatlah panas. Fasting makes it even more challenging. The occasional gentlemen and lovely ladies carrying fruits/snacks/colorful drinks to sell passing in front of us in short intervals makes it even moreeee challenging *insert facepalm emoji* but we survived!
I slept for a bit, read Alchemy of Happiness for a bit, bored for a bit, stared at the scenery outside of the window for a bit, then ended up standing at the doorless doorway and inhaled sweet Thailand air while marvelling at the new world unfolding in front of me.
The train stopped at quite a few stations. Here are two stations i remembered :
13:46 PM, Lalo
13:58 PM, Riso
The wooden houses, the scattered cows and buffaloes that seemed to be with us throughout the whole ride, the local people and how they carried themselves, the occasional busy towns, the sawah padi, the vast and lush greeneries with looming historical trees, the Alchemy of Happiness and how i could really absorb its words and weight in the train, the heat that makes you want to melt and just stay in a pool forever.
I liked the colorful shop lots. Bila Malaysia nak colorful macamtu? hurhur.
Another thing I liked is how i could be a part of the locals and experience what they experience at least for a short moment. I could sit at the same seat the sat, walk the same road, feel what they feel and see what they see. It's interesting and an eye-opener to see the sign boards at the train stations written in a foreign language and the faces of the locals occupied with their own thoughts. It feels good to be able enter someone else's world for a bit.
A memorable ride indeed.
We arrived at Yala at around 14:30 PM. Alhamdulillah :)
Writing this while randomly listening to Day 6's Sunrise album.
Credits to my amazing Team Kembara Yala which comprised of me, Najah, Ceah, Iman, Acap, Kimi, Aiman, Kak Wanfad, Kak Alia, Kak Arina, Abg Zizi, Abg Nabil and Abg Arif. Great people. Grateful to be able to meet and travel with all of them.
Train To Yala
To get to Yala from Sungai Golok (the place where the imigresen is located/sempadan Thai-Msia) we had to ride a train. It's not like Malaysia's LRT or KTM. I don't think/ am unsure if Malaysia still have those kinds of trains. Trains macam trains dulu dulu. The old rickety trains we often see in old movies and dramas. Those trains without air-conds and open windows. Those trains without doors and you can just stand at the doorway and let the air hits you hard while the train moves. Feels great but intoxicating sebab i find it difficult to breathe when the air particles berebut nak masuk my corong pernafasan. Chill air. Chill.
It was a two hour ride. A very hot ride indeed. Thailand punya panas sangatlah panas. Fasting makes it even more challenging. The occasional gentlemen and lovely ladies carrying fruits/snacks/colorful drinks to sell passing in front of us in short intervals makes it even moreeee challenging *insert facepalm emoji* but we survived!
I slept for a bit, read Alchemy of Happiness for a bit, bored for a bit, stared at the scenery outside of the window for a bit, then ended up standing at the doorless doorway and inhaled sweet Thailand air while marvelling at the new world unfolding in front of me.
The train stopped at quite a few stations. Here are two stations i remembered :
13:46 PM, Lalo
13:58 PM, Riso
The wooden houses, the scattered cows and buffaloes that seemed to be with us throughout the whole ride, the local people and how they carried themselves, the occasional busy towns, the sawah padi, the vast and lush greeneries with looming historical trees, the Alchemy of Happiness and how i could really absorb its words and weight in the train, the heat that makes you want to melt and just stay in a pool forever.
I liked the colorful shop lots. Bila Malaysia nak colorful macamtu? hurhur.
Another thing I liked is how i could be a part of the locals and experience what they experience at least for a short moment. I could sit at the same seat the sat, walk the same road, feel what they feel and see what they see. It's interesting and an eye-opener to see the sign boards at the train stations written in a foreign language and the faces of the locals occupied with their own thoughts. It feels good to be able enter someone else's world for a bit.
A memorable ride indeed.
We arrived at Yala at around 14:30 PM. Alhamdulillah :)
Saturday, 27 May 2017
Let's move
"Let's move, goodbye to this place that we grew attached to. Let's move, to a higher place. While taking the last box out of the empty room. I looked back for a moment, times we cried and laughed. Goodbye now." - BTS, Move On
Something about this song struck a cord inside me.
Let's speak of the truth. Truth is, the more i live, the more confused i become. Truth is, the more i age, the more i want to be someone. Truth is, the more i age, the more i want to prove myself, to let myself loose and live to my highest potential.
Truth is, there is still a lot that i want to do.
There is still too much that i need to accomplish.
but then, as darkness sinks throughout the world, and unconscious thoughts stirs alive, i look at my pale hands and wonder if i could even make it. If the world will even know my name.
There are those times when i look at the cinematography on the tv and thought ahh, i want to be part of a tv crew, i want to be a script writer, i want to write stories and unravel mystics and help shine a ray of light on the covered parts of the world.
but then, a little demon kicks in and doubts spread across the skull of my head.
Oh.
What talent do i have?
Which side of me should i polish and develop?
Which side of me should i polish and develop?
Sometimes it seems like there's too many and then, there's little to nil.
How do i become my dreams?
Will I live to see the day when my dreams materialize?
More importantly, will i be able and capable enough to fight through the haze that shroud every person's dreams?
Oh. The whole world expands for a moment and then, it shrinks.
Caging me in with doubts.
Confusion.
Until when do i need to doubt myself?
Until when do i need to confuse myself?
Then on those bright sunny days, a warm breeze blew a thought into my frantic thoughts.
Let's move. Let's just move. It doesn't matter which direction you chose to move to. Just, let's move. You're not born for a static life. Let's move. Cherish those dreams and ambitions you still silently hold within you.
The confusion, doubt, pain and failures you're currently feeling are all elements that are reminding you to move. Find yourself. Continue moving, till death whispers "you can stop now."
Monday, 15 May 2017
Maybe it's still too early
but here's a piece of my tainted soul, for you and for you.
An important fact about me - I can't stay for too long.
I can adapt, change, say hello, say goodbye and move on easily at most times which accounts to a staggering 95% of my life.
People enter and exit my life with different values and meanings. It's difficult to put it in words, but despite the abundance of people I met, only 0.5% managed to know a little bit of me. My life is mostly kept silently to myself. Never a secret but it doesn't seem appropriate to be shared with others. I just don't feel the urge to peel a little bit of my mask and shed some light into the darkness in me. Hah.
I never even told my parents or anyone else the things i go through. Never, or maybe, I don't know how and never wanted to learn. Nevertheless, as I grow up, as life unravels itself, I slowly learn to accept, tell and release the silence I had unconsciously carried with me all this time.
Somehow, our paths intersected with each other, stories were shared, something clicked.
Somehow, the two of you, managed to enter into a section of the life I had firmly kept sealed away from the outside world.
Somehow, when i'm with you and you, I feel comfortable enough to act myself.
I don't even understand why we still have that group and even have a label for our little group.
All I know is that, life would be a little bit quiet without the both of you. Something feels home with you and you. Thank you.
Another sad fact about me - I tend to detach myself from anything that feels too cosy. Too nice.Too comfortable.
I hate watching sad dramas because I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it. Coward. A person who is still learning to give a chance and chances to the people around her.
Thank you for giving me a chance and accepting me for who I am.
Until the time where God has written for us to move apart on this journey of life, until then, let's keep sharing with each other. I got your backs *grinsss*
An important fact about me - I can't stay for too long.
I can adapt, change, say hello, say goodbye and move on easily at most times which accounts to a staggering 95% of my life.
People enter and exit my life with different values and meanings. It's difficult to put it in words, but despite the abundance of people I met, only 0.5% managed to know a little bit of me. My life is mostly kept silently to myself. Never a secret but it doesn't seem appropriate to be shared with others. I just don't feel the urge to peel a little bit of my mask and shed some light into the darkness in me. Hah.
I never even told my parents or anyone else the things i go through. Never, or maybe, I don't know how and never wanted to learn. Nevertheless, as I grow up, as life unravels itself, I slowly learn to accept, tell and release the silence I had unconsciously carried with me all this time.
Somehow, our paths intersected with each other, stories were shared, something clicked.
Somehow, the two of you, managed to enter into a section of the life I had firmly kept sealed away from the outside world.
Somehow, when i'm with you and you, I feel comfortable enough to act myself.
I don't even understand why we still have that group and even have a label for our little group.
All I know is that, life would be a little bit quiet without the both of you. Something feels home with you and you. Thank you.
Another sad fact about me - I tend to detach myself from anything that feels too cosy. Too nice.Too comfortable.
I hate watching sad dramas because I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it. Coward. A person who is still learning to give a chance and chances to the people around her.
Thank you for giving me a chance and accepting me for who I am.
Until the time where God has written for us to move apart on this journey of life, until then, let's keep sharing with each other. I got your backs *grinsss*
Friday, 28 April 2017
Tawar dan Hikmah #2
Still emotionally dry, let's write.
Write away your sorrow, your confusion, you unrecognized sadness.
Write through the night,
with a brittle heart.
Second grain of salt :
PMGS17.
What a topic. A topic that shatters me every single time. Yet, a topic that strengthened me. A chapter of my life where I was taught that everyone is always happy to complain.
A chapter where I fell down and had to boldly gulp away the pills of lessons.
A chapter where I had to learn to suppress my feelings for a better day.
A chapter where I was taught that visions, are nothing but illusions.
A chapter where I silently took in the hardships of those around me knowing that the only thing I could offer was a prayer.
A chapter where many were left weary but filled.
Filled with the unfaltering strokes of hikmah.
Like a child's first dissapointment, of not getting what she wants.
But,
look at what I learned throughout the few months of PMGS17. Look at the character I build throughout the months. Look at the bonds I managed to possess due to it. Look. Look with your heart. Look with the eyes of hikmah.
I wouldn't be confident in some the things i'm doing now if it wasn't for the hazardous ride I went through.
A ride in which I entered smiling an innocent smile and exited with a weary smile.
Hikmah dalam tawar.
Write away your sorrow, your confusion, you unrecognized sadness.
Write through the night,
with a brittle heart.
Second grain of salt :
PMGS17.
What a topic. A topic that shatters me every single time. Yet, a topic that strengthened me. A chapter of my life where I was taught that everyone is always happy to complain.
A chapter where I fell down and had to boldly gulp away the pills of lessons.
A chapter where I had to learn to suppress my feelings for a better day.
A chapter where I was taught that visions, are nothing but illusions.
A chapter where I silently took in the hardships of those around me knowing that the only thing I could offer was a prayer.
A chapter where many were left weary but filled.
Filled with the unfaltering strokes of hikmah.
Like a child's first dissapointment, of not getting what she wants.
But,
look at what I learned throughout the few months of PMGS17. Look at the character I build throughout the months. Look at the bonds I managed to possess due to it. Look. Look with your heart. Look with the eyes of hikmah.
I wouldn't be confident in some the things i'm doing now if it wasn't for the hazardous ride I went through.
A ride in which I entered smiling an innocent smile and exited with a weary smile.
Hikmah dalam tawar.
Tawar dan Hikmah
Tawar dan hikmah.
Because someone is sad and tired tonight, let's write about her life. The little pieces of her life sewn with a thread called hikmah.
"tak sakit ke? biasanya orang complain sakit."
"hmm saya dah biasa."
The pain you experienced are also the things that shaped the you today.
The salt in your soup.
The hikmah in the tawar.
A grain of salt :
CFS UIAM PJ years. It was around 9pm. Alone and tired. I sat at the bus stop at LRT University hoping for a bus to apparate in front of me and whisk me to a land of nowhere. Waited. No bus came. There was a girl beside me but both of us simply sat and waited for the bus in silence.
"Nak pergi mana?' My quiet voice flew into the night.
"UIA"
"Eh samalah."
"Rasanya bus macam dah takde ni. Jom grab car sama sama."
and I ended up riding the grab car with a completely new company. She was nice. The grab car driver was nice. Despite the fact that i had to literally flip over my purse to pay for the ride (sebab i'm an antique person. My purse is filled with coins, and receipts.)
UIAM Gombak, A rainy day. My 7E maroon umbrella is nowhere to be found. Stranded. I leaned against a wall and stared into the rain. Tired. What a tiring week. God. My heart wept. I looked around hoping to see a familiar face. Nil.
A girl came out from the class to my right. She looked at me and a bulb flickered in the depth of my memories. It was the grab car girl.
"Nak tumpang payung boleh?'
"Boleh boleh."
and I safely reached IIUM's mosque with a partially drenched self. If i had not coincidentally met the grab car girl on that one night, I would probably have to wait for a longer time at HS building until the rain ceased or another familiar person passed by.
Hikmah dalam tawar.
Just a grain of salt out of the ocean of spices swirling together in a bowl we call life.
Because someone is sad and tired tonight, let's write about her life. The little pieces of her life sewn with a thread called hikmah.
"tak sakit ke? biasanya orang complain sakit."
"hmm saya dah biasa."
The pain you experienced are also the things that shaped the you today.
The salt in your soup.
The hikmah in the tawar.
A grain of salt :
CFS UIAM PJ years. It was around 9pm. Alone and tired. I sat at the bus stop at LRT University hoping for a bus to apparate in front of me and whisk me to a land of nowhere. Waited. No bus came. There was a girl beside me but both of us simply sat and waited for the bus in silence.
"Nak pergi mana?' My quiet voice flew into the night.
"UIA"
"Eh samalah."
"Rasanya bus macam dah takde ni. Jom grab car sama sama."
and I ended up riding the grab car with a completely new company. She was nice. The grab car driver was nice. Despite the fact that i had to literally flip over my purse to pay for the ride (sebab i'm an antique person. My purse is filled with coins, and receipts.)
UIAM Gombak, A rainy day. My 7E maroon umbrella is nowhere to be found. Stranded. I leaned against a wall and stared into the rain. Tired. What a tiring week. God. My heart wept. I looked around hoping to see a familiar face. Nil.
A girl came out from the class to my right. She looked at me and a bulb flickered in the depth of my memories. It was the grab car girl.
"Nak tumpang payung boleh?'
"Boleh boleh."
and I safely reached IIUM's mosque with a partially drenched self. If i had not coincidentally met the grab car girl on that one night, I would probably have to wait for a longer time at HS building until the rain ceased or another familiar person passed by.
Hikmah dalam tawar.
Just a grain of salt out of the ocean of spices swirling together in a bowl we call life.
Thursday, 23 March 2017
Negara
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ini negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Kalau kata itu kota, kami bina tamadun
Lihat rangkap-rangkap pantun hidup beratus tahun
Bangkit seribu perwira selamat sejuta insan
Gelap dalam matahari insan juga bisa insaf
Mana cerita panglima yang wujud benar
Awang hitam kaji awan putih bila belayar
Hamba keliling dunia tuannya yang terkenal
Nak merdeka di jasad, harus bebas di akal
Hatiku tetap hanya padamu
Keranamu aku berdiri
Tanpamu cita-cita hanya kekal sebagai mimpi
Semuanya bermula dari sini
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Demi negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Dan dari 57, jalannya telah disuluh
Bangkit seakan subuh rebung dilentur buluh
Terus ke 63, kami menjadi kita
Jangan dipersia akibat titik-titik nila
Biar hujan batu turun selebat tengkujuh
Selagi kami mampu semangat tak pernah lumpuh
Selagi ada tubuh untuk kamu aku memburuh
Usaha yang aku bubuh semua petir tiada guruh
Hatiku tetap hanya padamu
Keranamu aku berdiri
Tanpamu cita-cita hanya kekal sebagai mimpi
Semuanya bermula dari sini
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Demi negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Ini untuk kamu yang terima undi aku
Try'na change the world, bagi dunia suara baru
Ini bukan negara aku, ini negara kita
Buat je cara kita
Buat je cara kita
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ini negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Ini untuk kamu yang terima undi aku
Try'na change the world, bagi dunia suara baru
Ini bukan negara aku, ini negara kita
Buat je cara kita
Buat je cara kita
Negaraku
Negaraku - Joe Flizzow, Altimet, Sonaone, Faizal Tahir
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ini negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Kalau kata itu kota, kami bina tamadun
Lihat rangkap-rangkap pantun hidup beratus tahun
Bangkit seribu perwira selamat sejuta insan
Gelap dalam matahari insan juga bisa insaf
Mana cerita panglima yang wujud benar
Awang hitam kaji awan putih bila belayar
Hamba keliling dunia tuannya yang terkenal
Nak merdeka di jasad, harus bebas di akal
Hatiku tetap hanya padamu
Keranamu aku berdiri
Tanpamu cita-cita hanya kekal sebagai mimpi
Semuanya bermula dari sini
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Demi negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Dan dari 57, jalannya telah disuluh
Bangkit seakan subuh rebung dilentur buluh
Terus ke 63, kami menjadi kita
Jangan dipersia akibat titik-titik nila
Biar hujan batu turun selebat tengkujuh
Selagi kami mampu semangat tak pernah lumpuh
Selagi ada tubuh untuk kamu aku memburuh
Usaha yang aku bubuh semua petir tiada guruh
Hatiku tetap hanya padamu
Keranamu aku berdiri
Tanpamu cita-cita hanya kekal sebagai mimpi
Semuanya bermula dari sini
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Demi negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Ini untuk kamu yang terima undi aku
Try'na change the world, bagi dunia suara baru
Ini bukan negara aku, ini negara kita
Buat je cara kita
Buat je cara kita
Negaraku
Negaraku
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ku beri sepenuhnya
Ini negaraku
Oh darahku
Hiduplah sepenuhnya
Dirgahayu semua
Ini untuk kamu yang terima undi aku
Try'na change the world, bagi dunia suara baru
Ini bukan negara aku, ini negara kita
Buat je cara kita
Buat je cara kita
Negaraku
Negaraku - Joe Flizzow, Altimet, Sonaone, Faizal Tahir
Wednesday, 22 March 2017
Ar Riah
Ar Riah
wind.
cool, soothing, wind.
heavy, thundering, wind.
a wind that can sing a song from a nightingale and whistles a calm tune for the sad folks,
a wind that can hum a lullaby of goodbye before it struck down to paint a destructive side, for the happy folks.
Wind,
like the minute strands of a horse mane,
riding gaily, steadily, thunderously,
through whatever circumstances,
it flies,
wind.
Unexpected,
hated,
loved,
missed,
loathed,
for the meaning it brought with it.
Wind,
never restrained,
never refrained,
always determined.
Wind,
absolute and indefinite.
Wind,
to be thinking of you,
because of the few verses in the holy book,
to such an extent,
where even the greatest of Creator thought of you,
thus,
how can i not ponder over the invisible strands of you,
all around,
over the seas,
and back among nimble fingers.
Like an oasis,
your existence exist.
An existence that exist.
Ar Riah.
wind.
cool, soothing, wind.
heavy, thundering, wind.
a wind that can sing a song from a nightingale and whistles a calm tune for the sad folks,
a wind that can hum a lullaby of goodbye before it struck down to paint a destructive side, for the happy folks.
Wind,
like the minute strands of a horse mane,
riding gaily, steadily, thunderously,
through whatever circumstances,
it flies,
wind.
Unexpected,
hated,
loved,
missed,
loathed,
for the meaning it brought with it.
Wind,
never restrained,
never refrained,
always determined.
Wind,
absolute and indefinite.
Wind,
to be thinking of you,
because of the few verses in the holy book,
to such an extent,
where even the greatest of Creator thought of you,
thus,
how can i not ponder over the invisible strands of you,
all around,
over the seas,
and back among nimble fingers.
Like an oasis,
your existence exist.
An existence that exist.
Ar Riah.
Saturday, 18 February 2017
It's too much
This life.
This world.
This year.
This month.
This week,
This day.
It's too much,
By too much, I mean this -
We're supposed to live until the time comes and when the time comes is when none of us have any knowledge of. Till that day, all of us wish to live to the fullest, with different meanings, interpretations and ways on what 'the fullest' means.
It doesn't matter.
We are all entitled to live the way we want to live. A gift of a brain. A gift to think. A gift of choice. To each, a gift.
What matters is the question of how do i live to my level of fullest.
How do I decide on the path of my life that leads to the fullest when the road keeps changing here and there. The more I walk, the more it change,
How do I know how to act, talk, eat, sing, choose, paint, write, to the fullest.
Will it be meaningful enough if i decide to just do anything with hope that it'll lead me to a life of glory?
Hanging thoughts, let's keep it here.
This world.
This year.
This month.
This week,
This day.
It's too much,
By too much, I mean this -
We're supposed to live until the time comes and when the time comes is when none of us have any knowledge of. Till that day, all of us wish to live to the fullest, with different meanings, interpretations and ways on what 'the fullest' means.
It doesn't matter.
We are all entitled to live the way we want to live. A gift of a brain. A gift to think. A gift of choice. To each, a gift.
What matters is the question of how do i live to my level of fullest.
How do I decide on the path of my life that leads to the fullest when the road keeps changing here and there. The more I walk, the more it change,
How do I know how to act, talk, eat, sing, choose, paint, write, to the fullest.
Will it be meaningful enough if i decide to just do anything with hope that it'll lead me to a life of glory?
Hanging thoughts, let's keep it here.
Tuesday, 17 January 2017
Enraptured
We are living in a world of uncanny love.
A word of false pretense.
For the loved, lover and love giver.
A love that hid beneath a mask of perfections.
Perfections that come in the form of a porcelain face, a charming smile, a melodious voice, a talent to become one with the rhythms of the world, the ability to weave a world through words, wealth, glamour, a physique that enthralls.
A love that leaves nothing to the loved, lover and love giver.
Nothing but loneliness.
Loneliness upon realizing that amidst the laughter and tears,
as the sun sets and the moon that glows with the glow of the sun arise,
a meaningful life moves one more step away from the seeker.
An uncanny love.
A love where the brain becomes intoxicated with illusions.
Illusions that causes one to forget its own origins.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
A love that taints love.
A love that gives out the imagery of a wilted flower.
A flower,
once so beautiful,
so elegant in its creation,
holy water was given,
water the flower they did,
never missing a beat,
little did they know that,
a flower do not simply live by water,
sunlight, carbon dioxide, pure affection, tender care,
not the obsessive caress nor kiss they keep giving,
day by day, the color drains,
but the water keeps coming,
the uncanny love keeps coming,
they just don't care do they.
As the flower dies another grows,
as a replacement.
A replacement for the idolaters of uncanny love.
A word of false pretense.
For the loved, lover and love giver.
A love that hid beneath a mask of perfections.
Perfections that come in the form of a porcelain face, a charming smile, a melodious voice, a talent to become one with the rhythms of the world, the ability to weave a world through words, wealth, glamour, a physique that enthralls.
A love that leaves nothing to the loved, lover and love giver.
Nothing but loneliness.
Loneliness upon realizing that amidst the laughter and tears,
as the sun sets and the moon that glows with the glow of the sun arise,
a meaningful life moves one more step away from the seeker.
An uncanny love.
A love where the brain becomes intoxicated with illusions.
Illusions that causes one to forget its own origins.
Who am I?
Why am I here?
What am I doing?
A love that taints love.
A love that gives out the imagery of a wilted flower.
A flower,
once so beautiful,
so elegant in its creation,
holy water was given,
water the flower they did,
never missing a beat,
little did they know that,
a flower do not simply live by water,
sunlight, carbon dioxide, pure affection, tender care,
not the obsessive caress nor kiss they keep giving,
day by day, the color drains,
but the water keeps coming,
the uncanny love keeps coming,
they just don't care do they.
As the flower dies another grows,
as a replacement.
A replacement for the idolaters of uncanny love.
Sunday, 15 January 2017
To understand is to
give.
To understand is to give,
Give others your time, focus, attention and energy.
To understand is to let go.
Let go of your inner ego, your unwavering stands, your pride.
To understand is to listen.
Listen to what they have to say with an open heart. Listen with your brain and heart as well as your ears.
To understand is to wait,
Give time. You can never truly understand until you spare some time for the thoughts to settle down. Understanding can never be achieved in a split second. Time is needed to reflect, to be critical of yourself, of others. To find the balance that is needed for the situation. time, give time.
To understand is empathy.
Empathy is to combine all of the above aspects and mix it in a bowl.
Empathy is being aware and immersed in the sphere and situation of what you are attempting to understand.
Empathy is to, for a moment, dive into another's life, a sea filled an abundance of different creations.
Empathy is to be critical of yourself. To not let your thoughts, opinions, perceptions and principals become shrouded with a mask of self-centered egoism, consciously or unconsciously. All of this, for the sake of a deeper level of understanding.
Empathy, is to be able to feel another's pain and to sincerely smile at another's joy.
Empathy, is a treasure.
A key for harmony and peace.
Empathy, is what we all need.
To understand is to give,
Give others your time, focus, attention and energy.
To understand is to let go.
Let go of your inner ego, your unwavering stands, your pride.
To understand is to listen.
Listen to what they have to say with an open heart. Listen with your brain and heart as well as your ears.
To understand is to wait,
Give time. You can never truly understand until you spare some time for the thoughts to settle down. Understanding can never be achieved in a split second. Time is needed to reflect, to be critical of yourself, of others. To find the balance that is needed for the situation. time, give time.
To understand is empathy.
Empathy is to combine all of the above aspects and mix it in a bowl.
Empathy is being aware and immersed in the sphere and situation of what you are attempting to understand.
Empathy is to, for a moment, dive into another's life, a sea filled an abundance of different creations.
Empathy is to be critical of yourself. To not let your thoughts, opinions, perceptions and principals become shrouded with a mask of self-centered egoism, consciously or unconsciously. All of this, for the sake of a deeper level of understanding.
Empathy, is to be able to feel another's pain and to sincerely smile at another's joy.
Empathy, is a treasure.
A key for harmony and peace.
Empathy, is what we all need.
Thursday, 12 January 2017
Restless Days
Days where you row your boat silently over the stream.
Days where the trees by the shore stands calmly.
Days where a small breeze fleets through your fingers.
Days where children's laughter sings in the air.
Those days of calmness. Too calm. You stop rowing. Your boat stays.
Too calm.
Same shade of trees,
Same direction of wind.
The laughter fades.
Days filled with nothing but stillness.
Days filled with nothing but forced moves.
Days filled with nothing but an increasing detachment.
Detachment with people,
detachment with society,
detachment with life.
A life that contains no spark. A life filled with a dull type of calm and tranquility.
A life that leaves you staring at the ceiling.
A life like this,
what will you do with a life like this?
A life where no wrecking ball wants to enter.
A life like this,
if it's you, what will you do?
Days where the trees by the shore stands calmly.
Days where a small breeze fleets through your fingers.
Days where children's laughter sings in the air.
Those days of calmness. Too calm. You stop rowing. Your boat stays.
Too calm.
Same shade of trees,
Same direction of wind.
The laughter fades.
Days filled with nothing but stillness.
Days filled with nothing but forced moves.
Days filled with nothing but an increasing detachment.
Detachment with people,
detachment with society,
detachment with life.
A life that contains no spark. A life filled with a dull type of calm and tranquility.
A life that leaves you staring at the ceiling.
A life like this,
what will you do with a life like this?
A life where no wrecking ball wants to enter.
A life like this,
if it's you, what will you do?
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