Sunday 27 August 2017

Broken

Are we born to be broken?

Are we supposed to die in shards and pieces?

Are we supposed live our days worrying about our unruly past and hopeless future?

Are we supposed to tire ourselves everyday while nursing the fragility called heart?

Again, are we, born to be broken?



"When will this life ends?"

"I wish to die."

"I'm not good enough for this world."

"Living is too painful."



Breathe in.


"I wish i could go back to the old happy days."

"I don't know why i'm crying."

"I hate myself for being like this."

"I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this life."


Breathe out.


"Why does no one understands me?"

"They don't understand me."

"No one understands."


Hold out your palm in front of you.
place it on your chest,
it's still beating,
never losing a beat,
never losing hope.

Good things come to those who never give up, never lose hope and continue to live with a hopeful heart. A heart filled with faith. Faith for those with broken hearts. Faith that one day, sooner or later, like the rainbow that comes after a storm, and the sun that rises every morning without fail, peace will come. Victory will be yours.

The battle within is yours to fight. No other warrior no matter how strong can carry your sword for you. No trained soldier can ever shield you from the beast on your path. No one can change your fate if you don't pick up yourself and stride forward. Even if you fell a million times, get up. People can offer you a hand, a solid grip, good food, good company, good vibes, but it's you, it's us, who are the owner of the battle. The unseen battle.

Never give up.
Somewhere out there,
hopeful hearts are rooting for you,
looking after your back,
praying that your rainbow will soon prevail.

No one is born to be broken, in vain.

Setiap manusia pasti akan dilanda ujian yang secara diam,
membuatnya berfikir,
secara diam,
membuka kaca mata dan kotak pemikirannya,
secara diam,
membentuk dirinya ke arah yang lebih matang.

Yakinlah yang apa yang kita lalui sekarang,
bukan bermaksud ingin menyeksa tapi pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pasti ada sebabnya dan andai kita ingin tahu apa sebab dan hikmahnya,
seharusnya kita jangan pernah putus asa.
Terus bangkit.
Walaupun sudah sejuta kali tersungkur.

We might be born to be broken,
but we are not born to be broken in vain.

Have faith.









Saturday 5 August 2017

A story for you

Do you know?
Lately, life has been well.
Life has been bearable.
Life has been good.

That small 'Let's be happy' sign written with purple ink placed above the light switch in my room has slowly but surely enters my life. Like the current weather I'm comfortable in. A constant light drizzle but nothing an individual cannot handle. Good.

But do you also know?
there's this place in my heart that always yearns for something I don't understand.
The place of uncertainty.
The place where the angel and devil both reside in.
A party of different wavelengths.
A paradoxical mixture of soothing cacophony.
A place where both questions and answers float and sink, and float.
A place where the self is discovered and lost.
A haven of the lost and found.

Again, do you know?
The reason behind that dull eyebag and glistening eyes,
and the extravagant colors of that rainbow that stretched above your eyes,
after the heavy rain that drowns the world below your eyes?

Hey, do you know?
Why that cigarette lies on the floor,
unlit but broken?
As if it exist as a form of someone's afterthought,
an unwanted afterthought,
like a fly,
innocent but loathed.

Loathe.

We tend to loathe what we can't answer.

Hate.

We tend to hate what is closest to us.

Why?

So now, do you know?

The reason behind every soul that breathes,
The reason behind every eyes that blinks,
The reason behind every ears that hears,
behind every actions,
every words,
everything.

Do you,
know?

Because I don't, and never will.
And because I never will,
I return to the third paragraph,
I return to that comfortable yet troubling place,
a place of acceptance,
a place that breaks,
for every one who seek to ponder,
on the thousand and one mysteries of life,
the place where every soul unconsciously returns.

A deep breath,
A deep sigh,

'Let's be happy'.







Tuesday 1 August 2017

Sejujurnya

Sejujurnya aku masih rasa kehilangan.
Sejujurnya hati ini masih kelam apabila realiti kehidupan menyapa.
Sejujurnya aku masih tergamam dengan hakikat yang telah berlalu.

Ku coretkan di sini buat pendorong untuk diri ini yang sering terlupa.

Aku kenal arwah sebagai Abang Fareez. Seorang insan yang unik di kaca mata aku. Kenapa? Sebab walaupun memori dengannya tak banyak tapi, aku ingat.

Sejujurnya aku ni cepat lupa. Cepat move on dengan kenangan silam.
Sejujurnya aku juga, ambil masa yang lama untuk menerima manusia dalam kehidupan aku.

Tapi abang Fareez. Lain. Kisah dia lain. Kisahnya ringkas tapi berharga.

Kisah #1
Dulu masa dia masih pimpinan PEPIAS Bangi, aku ada minta tolong dia untuk tengok-tengokkan sorang adik ni. Mak kepada adik tu minta tolong aku dan aku minta tolong Abang Fareez atas sebab aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih rapat dan mengenali adik tu dan aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih tahu cara untuk mendekati dan menegur dengan lebih berhemah. Di saat itulah aku mengenali insan ini. Insan yang begitu prihatin tentang hal ehwal adik-adiknya. Terima kasih.

Kisah #2
Ada satu ketika dahulu, ustaz sekolah aku approach aku, minta buat program di sekolah lama aku. Sekolahnya di Bangi dan Abang Fareez masa tu BLK Bangi, Sekali lagi, aku approach dia :') Dia lah yang ajar aku serba sedikit macam mana nak handle program. Macam mana nak jadi PIC program. Malangnya program sekolah tu tak jadi atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Aku kecewa tapi Abang Fareez memahami. Di saat itulah aku mengerti insan ini. Insan yang melakukan tanggungjawabnya di bumi ini kerana Ilahi. Terima kasih.

Kisah #3
Kali terakhir aku jumpa dia masa jamuan raya di IDE, Shah Alam. Teringat waktu ternampak dia, bertegur sapa macam biasa. Tak pernah lekang dengan senyuman dia. Di saat itu, tiada siapa sangka, perjumpaan yang pendek itu merupakan perjumpaan yang terakhir. Terima kasih.

Terima kasih.

Muhammad Fareez Bin Mohd. Ghazali.

Al-Fatihah.