Let's move

"Let's move, goodbye to this place that we grew attached to. Let's move, to a higher place. While taking the last box out of the empty room. I looked back for a moment, times we cried and laughed. Goodbye now." - BTS, Move On

Something about this song struck a cord inside me.

Let's speak of the truth. Truth is, the more i live, the more confused i become. Truth is, the more i age, the more i want to be someone. Truth is, the more i age, the more i want to prove myself, to let myself loose and live to my highest potential.

Truth is, there is still a lot that i want to do.

There is still too much that i need to accomplish.

but then, as darkness sinks throughout the world, and unconscious thoughts stirs alive, i look at my pale hands and wonder if i could even make it. If the world will even know my name.

There are those times when i look at the cinematography on the tv and thought ahh, i want to be part of a tv crew, i want to be a script writer, i want to write stories and unravel mystics and help shine a ray of light on the covered parts of the world. 

but then, a little demon kicks in and doubts spread across the skull of my head.

Oh. 

What talent do i have?
Which side of me should i polish and develop?

Sometimes it seems like there's too many and then, there's little to nil.

How do i become my dreams?

Will I live to see the day when my dreams materialize?

More importantly, will i be able and capable enough to fight through the haze that shroud every person's dreams?

Oh. The whole world expands for a moment and then, it shrinks.

Caging me in with doubts.

Confusion.

Until when do i need to doubt myself?

Until when do i need to confuse myself?

Then on those bright sunny days, a warm breeze blew a thought into my frantic thoughts.

Let's move. Let's just move. It doesn't matter which direction you chose to move to. Just, let's move. You're not born for a static life. Let's move. Cherish those dreams and ambitions you still silently hold within you.

The confusion, doubt, pain and failures you're currently feeling are all elements that are reminding you to move. Find yourself. Continue moving, till death whispers "you can stop now."

Maybe it's still too early

but here's a piece of my tainted soul, for you and for you.

An important fact about me - I can't stay for too long.

I can adapt, change, say hello, say goodbye and move on easily at most times which accounts to a staggering 95% of my life.

People enter and exit my life with different values and meanings. It's difficult to put it in words, but despite the abundance of people I met, only 0.5% managed to know a little bit of me. My life is mostly kept silently to myself. Never a secret but it doesn't seem appropriate to be shared with others. I just don't feel the urge to peel a little bit of my mask and shed some light into the darkness in me. Hah.

I never even told my parents or anyone else the things i go through. Never, or maybe, I don't know how and never wanted to learn. Nevertheless, as I grow up, as life unravels itself, I slowly learn to accept, tell and release the silence I had unconsciously carried with me all this time.

Somehow, our paths intersected with each other, stories were shared, something clicked.

Somehow, the two of you, managed to enter into a section of the life I had firmly kept sealed away from the outside world.

Somehow, when i'm with you and you, I feel comfortable enough to act myself.

I don't even understand why we still have that group and even have a label for our little group.

All I know is that, life would be a little bit quiet without the both of you. Something feels home with you and you. Thank you.

Another sad fact about me - I tend to detach myself from anything that feels too cosy. Too nice.Too comfortable.

I hate watching sad dramas because I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it. Coward. A person who is still learning to give a chance and chances to the people around her.

Thank you for giving me a chance and accepting me for who I am.

Until the time where God has written for us to move apart on this journey of life, until then, let's keep sharing with each other. I got your backs *grinsss*