As for now, I'm deeply happy. The happiest I've felt for a long time. This happiness that radiates from within, amaze me.
It's true. Happiness, the ones that leave you with smiling hearts, a calm mind, inspire you to be better, leaving you still the same happy person, that happiness that comes as a whole with no gap of emptiness after it leaves. Macam dah reach nirvana je rasa. Eh. Merapu.
Few weeks/months ago, without realising, I started to take measures to ensure my heart will always be at peace, happy. For in the past, my happiness felt hollow. The truly happy moments were rare. I had my views and perceptions on things which made my life hard. I was stubborn, and when I fell, I fell hard. Without any rope to dangle on, without any matchstick to light. Then, knowing I don't have a foothold, I close my eyes and laid down in the dark, and listened to the merry sounds out there, jealous. Then I grapple my way out of the pit somehow and faked a smile to the sun. Fake it till you make it was my motto. Somewhere along the way, the sun reached me, happiness came, then the cycle repeat itself without mercy, leaving me tired, drained, and I can't afford to live in it.
I started to discipline myself. Life in college makes it easier to enforce and create this stable me. The me who smile through the pain, see the light beneath the blanket of darkness, calm despite the hail.That type of me. Even through the worst times, I kept true to my new strict discipline.
Hablum Minallah and Hablum Minannas. A good relationship with Allah and humans.
and it paid out.
True, there are times when I snapped, when that little ray of darkness came back creeping, but this time I was ready. My foothold is there. Bring it on.
Your life is yours. Yes, God has prepared everything beautifully. Yes, God has written out everything already for you, but, do you know, God don't just write from one perspective. God also writes down things will happen if you decided to take a different path, a little change. Every second of life is a second bestowed on you to create your life. You choose which part of the story you want to make as yours. Don't la be so boring and say why does God created my life like this. Fool. Don't be a fool :)
If you still think life is rigid, Then, lay down and don't do anything then see how life fold out. Will you get up or not? That's your pick. What happens after is your choice. And choice, is what sets apart the fool and the wise.
