Di-Bawah Alunan Ombak, A.Rashid Bin Ngah

DI-BAWAH ALUNAN OMBAK, A. RASHID BIN NGAH, 1970

SA-PATAH KATA

            Pengalaman2 dalam masa pendudokan Pemerentahan Tentera Jepun di-tanah ayer kita waktu Perang Dunia 2 dahulu ada-lah pengalaman yang luar biasa. Luar biasa dari segi penderitaan hidup dan luar biasa dari segi jiwa dan rohani tiap2 orang yang hidup waktu itu.

            Belum banyak pengalaman2 tersebut di-kesahkan sa-chara mendalam oleh penulis2 novel kita dan belum pula banyak di-cheritakan dengan chara yang menarek hati serta memberikan gambaran yang sesuai untuk bachaan anak2 kita yang sedang meningkat ‘umor belajar berfikir.

            Buku DI-BAWAH ALUNAN OMBAK ini di-terbitkan untok memenuhi kehendak yang kedua itu. Buku ini mencheritakan dengan mudan dan menarek hati akan sa-bahagian dari kesah yang di-alami oleh pendudok2 di-Pantai Timor waktu akhir2 pendudokan Tentera Jepun itu.

            Dan yang mustahak sa-kali buku ini menanamkan beneh kebenchian terhadap perang, di-samping menyuborkan bibit keberanian dan ketabahan dalam dada anak2.

            Buku ini khas di-terbitkan untok bachaan orang2 muda peringkat Sekolah Menengah, tetapi tidak-lah pula kurang elok-nya untok bachaan orang2 yang lebih dewasa.

Syed Nasir Bin Ismail

Pengarah DBP

..................................................................................................................................................................................

This is a book I read in 2018. The foreword is simple and direct but it warms my heart upon seeing the sincerity of the author in writing this book. 

This book was published on the concern that there are not many stories about the life in Malaya during the Japanese occupation and World War 2 that are interesting or suitable enough for the young generation. The life during the occupation was described as surreal in its sufferings and the mental and spiritual state of the people in that era.

It was stated that the most important objective of this book is to cultivate hatred towards war and instill values about bravery, patience and perseverance towards the young generation. 

I wish to make a book review on this classic as I think the message of this book is too precious to be wasted in the yellowish pages of his book. We'll see about this review. I have to be a bit more rajin for this review as it has been a long time since I read this book. We'll see.

Book Review on Writer VS Editor by Ria n. Badaria

This is a book that caught my interest through its title ‘Writer VS Editor’ and the ‘Penulis Muda Berbakat Terbaik Khatulistiwa Literary Award 2008-2009’ tag that comes with it. I wanted know what made the book so great to deserve that award and really, reading the book is the only way for me to receive the answer.

It is a story about how the lives of Nuna, an aspiring writer, and Rengga, an editor, interweaves and unfold into romance and drama.

The first few pages captured my attention because of the author’s way of characterizing the two main characters and their respective lives. They are both opinionated people, can come off strong to people they dislike, one is working in a store?, another in a book company, and they both have traits that I find admirable and just plain stupid. Good enough for me to immerse myself in their worlds as I wanted to know how their paths will cross and the two characters clash their personalities.

Even in the very beginning, the author described how Nuna, the lady main character, has an obsession towards korean dramas. Nuna, quite a few times in the book, envy and wished she could be like that female main character in the korean drama she was watching. Why? Because the female main character have two handsome, hot and rich bachelors fighting for her love. Duh. Interesting how the author made that link between the drama and  Nuna’s real life drama which she, at that time, haven’t realized that. The part about Nuna envying the female lead in the drama, and the love Nuna had for Korean dramas that was told to readers a lot in the beginning forshadowed how much Nuna’s life will turn into a korean drama itself. I could clearly paint out the scenes that will unfold as soon as I made that forshadowing conclusion.

The one thing I really liked in this book is how the author created such a good chemistry between Rengga and Randit, and also Nuna and her bestfriends. Their conversations and reactions towards each other are always filled with comical and sarcastic moments. They are the type of friends whom you can always rely on to knock your head when you’re acting like an idiot yet comfort you when you’re down in the slums. I feel like the friends here, plays a huge role in supporting Nuna and Rengga to continue giving their best to their life. Honestly those two would have a hard time achieving their ambitions if not for their friends firmness and support.  I also enjoy seeing how Nuna and Rengga often naturally share their problems and dramas to their friends. I think that’s very important, mental-health-wise. The friendship portrayed in this book is very mature and warm, suitable with the life of the main characters.

My slight awkwardness with the book is how, after reading about half of the book, and having read the part about classic male main character getting drunk and unconsciously kissed the female main character, and then suddenly after some pages, there was a scene about Nuna’s father passing away and the family read Yasin together… Idk about you, but I was shocked on the Yasin part. Duh, after alcohol and kissing, I kind off thought Nuna is a non-muslim. What a shocker, but is it?. Quite a few times in the book, there was mention of God by the character, but really, that’s pretty common. The only time the book depicted Nuna as a muslim was during the Yasin part. Unsure about the rest of the characters since nothing was mentioned. Of course, this is just a nagging thought of mine. I felt like maybe, the religion part can be portrayed better?. But it could also be the lifestyle of Nuna is the lifestyle led by the author and the people around her. To each their own perspective on love, life, and religion. Heh.

Asides from that, I like the writing style of the author. Her writings are so filled with life. Like I could imagine her characters in real life. They are realistic, fun, irritating, and have all the spices needed to make a fun book. Regarding the plot, it was too cliché for me. In the beginning, it was alright, but the moment Arfat came home and Rengga fell in love with Nuna, the book turned into the Korean drama on Nuna’s TV screen (minus that evil mother in law or female love rival). I don’t think this is neither a bad or good thing. I’m sure a lot of people will enjoy reading this book. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Like I said, I like the author’s writing style and I’m sure there’s plenty of reasons as to why the book won a literary award.

Would I read it again? No. The storyline is not for me. Though I would recommend this book to those who enjoy reading classic romance, and a leisure read.

“Hidup memang tidak selalu berjalan sesuai rencana atau kehendak manusia. Akan selalu ada kejutan di setiap sesinya, entah kejutan itu akan berakhir menyenangkan atau tidak, tergantung dari mana kita sebagai pelaku hidup ini melihatnya. Maka di sinilah manusia, pelakon hidup yang harus siap menghadapi kehidupan yang penuh misteri, dengan atau tanpa rencana.”

Once upon a time

I miss being a child,
I wish,
I can turn back time and become a child,
and live wholeheartedly as a child,
never wishing stupid wishes such as,
I wish I'm old enough,
I wish I grow up faster,
I wish I can do more things,
and just live, as a child.

Being a child is not always about being happy all the time,
but it's about still being a human,
filled with spirit and soul,
filled with all the life the world can offer,
taking in everything with enthusiasm,
with hands that might scar,
with legs that might fall,
with a heart that might break,
but a soul that still radiates,
like the light that shines from a warm sun.

A child is a gift,
a child is a reminder,
a reminder that once upon a time,
we had soul.

Once upon a time,
we had spirit.

Once upon a time,
we were alive.

A letter of 'Moving on'

11:42 pm  and my senses feels heavy with fatigue. A type of fatigue that I have been excessively applying upon myself unconsciously these past few weeks. A fatigue that drains you from the inside and turn your sight into gray. A phantom fatigue.

Today. The phantom has calmed down. So here's a letter. For the phantom to move on.


Relationships are futile.
Relationships are fragile.
Relationships are meant to be formed,
broken,
and amended.

Relationships,
some of them are visible to the eyes,
some,
works itself in its own mysterious ways.

Relationships, should be treated with care,
love,
tolerance,
but should also be discarded when considered toxic.

Relationships, are formed everyday and everywhere in every second that we breathe in.
Every minute, every hour.

Twinkling eyes,
Sunken eyes,
Observing eyes,
Broken eyes,
are all the results of relationships.

Giving yourself into any relationship, is giving a piece of yourself to someone who has the ability to either heal, break, empower and change you.

Given to the right person, it is a key to somewhere that we call 'a better life'.
Given to the wrong person, 'a better life' might not be with that person.
Yet, that wrong person, might not actually be the 'wrong one' at the time where you formed a relationship. That 'wrong one' might have been an important presence in your life that has shaped so much of you into who you are right now. Is there even a 'wrong person' in our life?

There was once a time, where I have slowly but gradually opened up pages in my book of life that I have never opened to others. It was a delicate process. A very highly sensitive movement on my own behalf. Fear was my best friend. The fear of letting others hold a piece of such a delicate side of you in their hands. I somehow, still gave them the autonomy. Slowly giving my trust and heart to them. Slowly maturing and growing. Slowly opening up to the world bit by bit.

There were days where I doubt they can hold onto me for too long. There were days where I was cynical of the bond we have formed and the depth that it contains. There were also days where my heart was warmed by the good memories and comforting words. We accepted each other as who we are. I loved them. For a girl who have lived her life moving from place to place from a young age, unable to form bonds for too long with others, naturally, trust and stability comes at a high price. Thus, being able to meet people who accepts so much of her, was calming.

As calm as the calm before a storm.
A storm that came without a sound.
The moment it hits, there was two option.
One. Fix the mess caused by the storm.
Two. Nothing can be done. Move on.

The first time it happened, I was a mess but it was fixed. It was good for a while.

The second time it happened, I knew I wouldn't want it to happen for the third time. Time's up.

but letting go and moving on is easier said than done. How can it be not when you have grown so accustomed and used to sharing so much of yourself to them.

and "we got your back", "we will always be here for you", and all those calming words keeps entering your head like the dizzying sound of an unseen mosquito. The more you shake it off, the stronger it comes back.

I thought I could handle it, but I guess I'm still learning how to be stronger, accept, forgive and forget.

I was on the ground, shrouded with a blanket of mistrust, the feeling of betrayal, disappointment and sadness. Yet, another part of me understands that everyone have their own reasons in doing whatever they are doing. Everyone have their problems, opinions and for all of that, I accepted what has happened as it is.

It was just me all along. Still learning about life. Learning how to take in everything with a dose of maturity. Forgive and forget, a wise voice advised. Forgive and forget.

If opening up your heart and handing out your trust to people caused you to cry countless of times and triggered your mental health to the point where you have to make the decision to finally eat an anti-depressant pill, maybe it's not them who are in the wrong but it's you. It's me. It's okay. It's okay.

I know. I hate how I get so sensitive to anything that involves the people I love. I hate how I give them so much power without their knowledge to shape my life. But what's the point of hating? What is done, is done.

I have to continually teach myself to be stronger and wiser,
to be accepting and merciful,
to be a person who continues to live as long as there is a ray of hope that shines in her life. If all hope ceases, then, she will light the hope by herself.

Till the day where I can find solace within myself, I will always be grateful for each relationship that was formed between me and other people in this life. Whatever the outcome was, I have concluded that it's for the best. I believe that those thoughtful and calming words comes sincerely from their heart. It's just that our paths decided to diverge from each other. When paths diverge, it means that a new chapter must be opened. It is time to move on.

In the hopes of being able to lift the heaviness from my soul, I write.
Pray. Let us all have a better life and find the solace we seek before our death comes.
Forgive, forget, move on.

Broken

Are we born to be broken?

Are we supposed to die in shards and pieces?

Are we supposed live our days worrying about our unruly past and hopeless future?

Are we supposed to tire ourselves everyday while nursing the fragility called heart?

Again, are we, born to be broken?



"When will this life ends?"

"I wish to die."

"I'm not good enough for this world."

"Living is too painful."



Breathe in.


"I wish i could go back to the old happy days."

"I don't know why i'm crying."

"I hate myself for being like this."

"I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this life."


Breathe out.


"Why does no one understands me?"

"They don't understand me."

"No one understands."


Hold out your palm in front of you.
place it on your chest,
it's still beating,
never losing a beat,
never losing hope.

Good things come to those who never give up, never lose hope and continue to live with a hopeful heart. A heart filled with faith. Faith for those with broken hearts. Faith that one day, sooner or later, like the rainbow that comes after a storm, and the sun that rises every morning without fail, peace will come. Victory will be yours.

The battle within is yours to fight. No other warrior no matter how strong can carry your sword for you. No trained soldier can ever shield you from the beast on your path. No one can change your fate if you don't pick up yourself and stride forward. Even if you fell a million times, get up. People can offer you a hand, a solid grip, good food, good company, good vibes, but it's you, it's us, who are the owner of the battle. The unseen battle.

Never give up.
Somewhere out there,
hopeful hearts are rooting for you,
looking after your back,
praying that your rainbow will soon prevail.

No one is born to be broken, in vain.

Setiap manusia pasti akan dilanda ujian yang secara diam,
membuatnya berfikir,
secara diam,
membuka kaca mata dan kotak pemikirannya,
secara diam,
membentuk dirinya ke arah yang lebih matang.

Yakinlah yang apa yang kita lalui sekarang,
bukan bermaksud ingin menyeksa tapi pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pasti ada sebabnya dan andai kita ingin tahu apa sebab dan hikmahnya,
seharusnya kita jangan pernah putus asa.
Terus bangkit.
Walaupun sudah sejuta kali tersungkur.

We might be born to be broken,
but we are not born to be broken in vain.

Have faith.

A story for you

Do you know?
Lately, life has been well.
Life has been bearable.
Life has been good.

That small 'Let's be happy' sign written with purple ink placed above the light switch in my room has slowly but surely enters my life. Like the current weather I'm comfortable in. A constant light drizzle but nothing an individual cannot handle. Good.

But do you also know?
there's this place in my heart that always yearns for something I don't understand.
The place of uncertainty.
The place where the angel and devil both reside in.
A party of different wavelengths.
A paradoxical mixture of soothing cacophony.
A place where both questions and answers float and sink, and float.
A place where the self is discovered and lost.
A haven of the lost and found.

Again, do you know?
The reason behind that dull eyebag and glistening eyes,
and the extravagant colors of that rainbow that stretched above your eyes,
after the heavy rain that drowns the world below your eyes?

Hey, do you know?
Why that cigarette lies on the floor,
unlit but broken?
As if it exist as a form of someone's afterthought,
an unwanted afterthought,
like a fly,
innocent but loathed.

Loathe.

We tend to loathe what we can't answer.

Hate.

We tend to hate what is closest to us.

Why?

So now, do you know?

The reason behind every soul that breathes,
The reason behind every eyes that blinks,
The reason behind every ears that hears,
behind every actions,
every words,
everything.

Do you,
know?

Because I don't, and never will.
And because I never will,
I return to the third paragraph,
I return to that comfortable yet troubling place,
a place of acceptance,
a place that breaks,
for every one who seek to ponder,
on the thousand and one mysteries of life,
the place where every soul unconsciously returns.

A deep breath,
A deep sigh,

'Let's be happy'.

Sejujurnya

Sejujurnya aku masih rasa kehilangan.
Sejujurnya hati ini masih kelam apabila realiti kehidupan menyapa.
Sejujurnya aku masih tergamam dengan hakikat yang telah berlalu.

Ku coretkan di sini buat pendorong untuk diri ini yang sering terlupa.

Aku kenal arwah sebagai Abang Fareez. Seorang insan yang unik di kaca mata aku. Kenapa? Sebab walaupun memori dengannya tak banyak tapi, aku ingat.

Sejujurnya aku ni cepat lupa. Cepat move on dengan kenangan silam.
Sejujurnya aku juga, ambil masa yang lama untuk menerima manusia dalam kehidupan aku.

Tapi abang Fareez. Lain. Kisah dia lain. Kisahnya ringkas tapi berharga.

Kisah #1
Dulu masa dia masih pimpinan PEPIAS Bangi, aku ada minta tolong dia untuk tengok-tengokkan sorang adik ni. Mak kepada adik tu minta tolong aku dan aku minta tolong Abang Fareez atas sebab aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih rapat dan mengenali adik tu dan aku yakin Abang Fareez lebih tahu cara untuk mendekati dan menegur dengan lebih berhemah. Di saat itulah aku mengenali insan ini. Insan yang begitu prihatin tentang hal ehwal adik-adiknya. Terima kasih.

Kisah #2
Ada satu ketika dahulu, ustaz sekolah aku approach aku, minta buat program di sekolah lama aku. Sekolahnya di Bangi dan Abang Fareez masa tu BLK Bangi, Sekali lagi, aku approach dia :') Dia lah yang ajar aku serba sedikit macam mana nak handle program. Macam mana nak jadi PIC program. Malangnya program sekolah tu tak jadi atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Aku kecewa tapi Abang Fareez memahami. Di saat itulah aku mengerti insan ini. Insan yang melakukan tanggungjawabnya di bumi ini kerana Ilahi. Terima kasih.

Kisah #3
Kali terakhir aku jumpa dia masa jamuan raya di IDE, Shah Alam. Teringat waktu ternampak dia, bertegur sapa macam biasa. Tak pernah lekang dengan senyuman dia. Di saat itu, tiada siapa sangka, perjumpaan yang pendek itu merupakan perjumpaan yang terakhir. Terima kasih.

Terima kasih.

Muhammad Fareez Bin Mohd. Ghazali.

Al-Fatihah.